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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

mcutesy

September 30, 2009 Leave a comment

One night, I was surfing porn blogs of hot guys, when someone so rudely interrupted my dirty literary fantasies. This ensues:

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mcutesy: ikaw ba yan? ha? bitch? akin sya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sassy_sinner_saint: uhhh

sassy_sinner_saint: sino ka?

mcutesy: maang maangan ka pa… akin sya, tigilan mo sya!!!!!

sassy_sinner_saint: ahh ok

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

sassy_sinner_saint: pano kung ayaw na sya sayo?

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

mcutesy: kasalanan mo, bitch ka talaga putaka

sassy_sinner_saint: kasalanan ko?

sassy_sinner_saint: pano ko naging kasalanan?

sassy_sinner_saint: na ayaw na nya sayo?

mcutesy: humanda ka

sassy_sinner_saint: come to think of it, parang ikaw ang may problema, not me honey

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

mcutesy: honey ka diyan, humanda ka sa aken

sassy_sinner_saint: im mortified, petrified, stupefied by you.

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

sassy_sinner_saint: sino ba sa kanila ang boyfriend mo? mejo nalilito ako e.

mcutesy: kita mo na, puta ka talaga, may iba ka pa kinakalantari mo pa yan

sassy_sinner_saint: can’t help it hun. sila ang lumalapit.

sassy_sinner_saint: hulaan ko.

sassy_sinner_saint: hmmm…

sassy_sinner_saint: si adrian? (blogger im stalking reading)

sassy_sinner_saint: or si dj? (blogger friend)

sassy_sinner_saint: or si richard? (Quest. I was watching CNN. What?)

sassy_sinner_saint: ?

mcutesy: haha kilala na kita.at alam ku wat you did… kaya pal a

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

sassy_sinner_saint: what did i do now?

sassy_sinner_saint: sino ba kasi yung boyfriend mo?

mcutesy: kinati puke mo kaya ka naghanap nang iba.. kawawang pobre haha at yung sa akin naman balak mo asuwangin? ha??

sassy_sinner_saint: woah woah

sassy_sinner_saint: harsh words

sassy_sinner_saint: its not me who’s kinakati

sassy_sinner_saint: if that is even a word.

sassy_sinner_saint: like i told you, they come to me.

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

mcutesy: uu nga, yung come nila gusto mo haha

sassy_sinner_saint: clever. ha. ha.

sassy_sinner_saint: you know, i can really use some help here.

sassy_sinner_saint: if you tell me who he is, i can tell you all the delicious details.

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

mcutesy: tigilan mo si XXX, akin sya! bayot!

sassy_sinner_saint: ahhhhh

sassy_sinner_saint: si XXX pala.

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

sassy_sinner_saint: hmmm.. lemme think about it… ok. sige sayo na lang sya! 🙂

sassy_sinner_saint: we’ve had some fun. but we’re over now.

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

mcutesy: siguromaliit titi ng boyfrend mo kaya mo dinispacha

mcutesy: haha

sassy_sinner_saint: on the contrary, i’ve had enough of big dicks. mas type ko na ngayon ang cocktail-size.

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

mcutesy: haha sige pa, makakarating sa kanya, alam ko na rin email ad nya haha

sassy_sinner_saint: go ahead, tell him. we didnt break up because im a good girl now, did we?

mcutesy: haha dyan ka na bayot! haha

sassy_sinner_saint: ok! toodles!

sassy_sinner_saint: 🙂

***end***

just when I was starting to see promise in the conversation. tsk. this could have been the highlight of my evening. now, that honour goes to my 5-minute bout with the gazillion-caloried maja blanca. I won.

oh. of course, i dont know this chick, and I have no fucking clue who the fuck is XXX.

so now, dont be surprised if a Facebook page of me with insensitive status messages and unflaterring photos surfaces. (Feelingera ako! Sino ba ako, si Jacque Bermejo??)

Nyahaha. People.

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Funny

June 11, 2008 1 comment

ripped from my old blog.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

once a miller had three sons
and when they were old enough to marry a girl,
they set off to marry a girl.

when they married a girl,
they danced together,
they ate together,
they walked together,
they played together,
they watched tv together.

soon there came a time when things began to get boring.

the end.

a tad funny, especially because this was written by a 4-year-old kid.really.

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my funny – poignant – stupid – paranoid ways to amuse myself while waiting for a taxi

1. in my long agony of waiting for a taxi infront of Mister Baker, Abu Baker Al Siddique branch from 730 in the morning until i finally hail one, which purely depends on luck, i have discovered a  stainless panel in one of the flower shops beside the bakery, you know, the ones that distorts reflections. Only, this panel, makes me look really, really, proportionately slim. when i first i saw my reflection i almost cried. So thats what i’ll look like if im not this fat. And, boy do i look fiiiine. 😀

2. This is the catch. there are two stainless panels, and the other one is really fucked up. i have to stand at a specific position and distance from the ‘good’ panel coz i dont, i will find myself directly looking at a Shrek-esque me staring back at me. You know the thin line between utter bliss and compounded misery? it measures approximately 2.5 inches.

3. Once i was broke, i did not have cash for taxi. so i took the bus. riding the bus totally depresses me. the waiting and the smell really drives me nuts. that day i was particularly unlucky, coz my bus (bus 23) is nowhere to be found. for more than an hour i was busy checking out this really cute and clean-looking guy (a rarity here in Dubai). 30 mins later, i was getting really bored and pissed coz my heels were doing permanent damage to my feet, and thats when the brilliant idea hit. I pretended i was in ‘deal or no deal’. the buses will be the briefcases, and 23 will be the jackpot! and my very own 26K is the cutie guy walking oh so gloriously with his firm buns swingin’ swaggering, deliciously tempting in my imaginary sidewalk stage! and when finally, my bus came! seeing the blinking dotted number 23 dancing and prancing in all its orange splendor, i actually screamed ‘YESSSSSS!’ yeah, sometimes i scare myself too.

4. i heard before i went to Dubai that here, pinays are thought of as pokpoks . even if really youre covered up to the point that you think youre insides are cooking. i also heard that some people actually have codes to ask if a pinay is game or not. what i did not hear is what the code is. so i was sitting in the cab, minding my own paranoia, when the driver asked me all of a sudden, ‘is friday today?’. i said, ‘no, tuesday my friend’. then immediately after that, i thought of what i heard. is ‘is friday today’ actually the code?? am i being picked up by this smelly taxi driver?? maybe the true pokpok ones are supposed to say ‘yes, friday today’, which is why i thought i saw a disappointed look when i told him its tuesday. eww.

5. i think of myself driving in the philippines with my baby brother in the passenger seat. and then i cry. im the middle of the fucking road.

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