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Trust

Trust is a very tricky thing. When I actually do the trusting thing or when i pretend to is sort of a blur to me. Of course i trust all of my close friends, a few of them with my life, but on occasions, i find myself doubting them for the simplest issues of minute consequences. so when i say that i completely trust you, chances are, i am lying to you big time.

I’ll give you an example on how fucked up my sense of trust is. a chum of mine has recently told me some problematic stuff she’s facing right now. but before she told me that, we had a long discussion on the same issue, which we resolved by shutting our pretty little puckers up. and then the sorry-ass situation came up, and because she’s so dazed and confused and feeling so down with everything, i thought to myself, the right thing to do is to be supportive and tell her its gonna be fine and to quit being too paranoid. and thats what i did. but i am so totally bugged by this itty bit tugging at the backof my head. what if she’s just saying that to neutralise the previous spat we had before? what if she’s just lying to me and made the whole sorry-ass situation up? and she is a really, really really close friend.

this is when i brilliantly deduced that complete trust, like piolo pascual being straight, is just a myth. at least for me. and for a good deal of others. maybe 4/7ths of the entire human race.

like most good people, i always try to do the right thing. when faced with situations that involve the workings of this particular intangible, i always try to be level headed about it. unless youre my friend yet you still screwed me over for a hot pair of yummy buns. or you stole my most important worldly possession (my eyelash curler). or the lottery ticket we jointly bought won a the jackpot and you didnt tell me then you flew off to Switzerland. thats when all hell will break loose. but mostly, yeah, im all for the generally polite but doubtfully genuine trust thing.

i wanna be a person who can truly trust another soul. i envy a person with a trusting heart. I wish i have one.

i am the type of person that is perceived by others to be a good listener. mostly all of my friends (and even those who are mere acquaintances) really open up to me and pour their heart and soul in a manner and depth that almost always surprise me. the only time i get to do that is when im really really drunk, which by the way, makes all the things that come out of my mouth highly subjective and addled by my own confusion. how sad is that?

but, there is one big advantage to not being very trusting. and that is, you dont get duped a lot. i remember brendad fraser’s character in the movie ‘blast from the past’. he was so ignorantly blissful, and most of all, he is happy and content. because he trusts. completely. however, in this day and age when ignorant bliss is a crime and the punishment can be really, really painful, i can only dream of a fantasyland where i will be a girl brendan fraser who sells vintage baseball cards for peanuts to opportunistic vintage shop owners and be really, genuinely happy about it.

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